Well I certainly have been missing in action. I am sorry about that. Life has a way of getting busy and try as I might some things just have to be dealt with and sometimes take a little longer than expected.
The Horse Chestnut supplement are helping my knees. When I don't take them I really notice a huge difference in the swelling and pain. They say the longer you take them the better so I am keeping my fingers crossed for that. The weight issue however isn't going so great. I am eating much better and have cut back on my portions but for some reason nothing seems to really want to budge. I guess it's about time for another trip back to the Dr. and some more blood tests. Each time he swears that its like I have a thyroid issue but the blood work always comes back fine. Maybe one of these days we will come to a solution. I gets so depressing to change so much in my diet and eating and not see any results what so ever. And I am for the most part and always have been a healthy eater. I am not a sweets person as I do not care for deserts or candy, or sweet things in general. I love veggies of all types and they have always made up the majority of my plate when I eat. I sometimes wonder if I wouldn't be better off to go on an elimination diet if that would help and maybe there is something I am allergic to that causes issues. I guess I am grasping at straws.
All is quiet in the house right now. Everyone is sound asleep. A time of night I love because I know all my kids are home, safe and sound as is my husband and my mom. Dogs are all in dreamland too. Time to really relax and enjoy all that is right in the world
Talk soon ~ P
Friday, March 21, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Weekend not so good.. back on tract for tomorrow
Well the weekend has not been a good one for me food wise. I was aggravated with my hubby last night because he went fishing which was fine but as I was getting ready to make supper he texted me to tell me he was going out for supper with the guys he went fishing with and I had planned a nice meal. So I ended up calling and ordering chicken nuggets from the local pizza place. Then today we were in a bit of craziness because we had a major clog somewhere in our pipes and I couldn't do dishes sooooo we ended up grabbing some burgers and fries from town. Neither one of course are good for me ( or us ). So it's Monday now and we are starting out on a good note today and forget about the weekend. Going to make a good breakfast for hubby and I when he gets home from work and go from there with our day.
Been doing soooo much thinking this weekend. It's so sad to see my mom continue to decline. Just a few years ago she was so together and was working 2 jobs that she loved. She retired from the factory when it was offered because they wanted her to learn computers and it was something she has never wanted to do. I think at that time she was also having some issues but she didn't want to admit it. But she still worked her night job at a dance studio as a receptionist. She was so organized and took care of so much .. phone calls, payments, doing things for the spring revue, helping with costumes. Always talking to people. The last couple of years she tried working there she was a mess. She was having trouble dealing with the money, become very much in her shell and wasn't sociable, and really couldn't handle much more than answer the phone and that I think was even hard. I am trying to always stay as much as possible ahead of this disease and prepare myself, our family. To make sure I have things in line to keep her happy and comfortable. Tonight I contacted someone about making a crocheted afghan for her. Her mom always crocheted and we no longer have any of them around so I thought that if I can have one made and put it up for the day that she really needs that comfort that is what I would like to do. It doesn't sound like much but I think it would give her a little bit of her mom in some way.
Another week ahead of us. Lots to do around here. I have some cleaning to do, and some phone calls to make. Planning on a good week of eating.. baked and grilled chicken, baked fish and LOTS of veggies.
Till next time P
Been doing soooo much thinking this weekend. It's so sad to see my mom continue to decline. Just a few years ago she was so together and was working 2 jobs that she loved. She retired from the factory when it was offered because they wanted her to learn computers and it was something she has never wanted to do. I think at that time she was also having some issues but she didn't want to admit it. But she still worked her night job at a dance studio as a receptionist. She was so organized and took care of so much .. phone calls, payments, doing things for the spring revue, helping with costumes. Always talking to people. The last couple of years she tried working there she was a mess. She was having trouble dealing with the money, become very much in her shell and wasn't sociable, and really couldn't handle much more than answer the phone and that I think was even hard. I am trying to always stay as much as possible ahead of this disease and prepare myself, our family. To make sure I have things in line to keep her happy and comfortable. Tonight I contacted someone about making a crocheted afghan for her. Her mom always crocheted and we no longer have any of them around so I thought that if I can have one made and put it up for the day that she really needs that comfort that is what I would like to do. It doesn't sound like much but I think it would give her a little bit of her mom in some way.
Another week ahead of us. Lots to do around here. I have some cleaning to do, and some phone calls to make. Planning on a good week of eating.. baked and grilled chicken, baked fish and LOTS of veggies.
Till next time P
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Simple changes ~ Making a new reality
Making little changes each day. I had given up soda almost a year ago when I got sick. I started several months ago drinking on occasion root beer which of course has no caffeine in it but still full of sugar. I had gotten so I was drinking one or two bottles a day (16 oz). The last couple of weeks that has really dwindled down because all of a sudden it just became so sweet that I didn't really care for it. I have had one bottle that I finally finished tonight at supper after about 4 days. I am now trying infused water. I bought me a tervis glass since they are good for both cold and hot drinks. I filled it half way with frozen berries, poured cold water over it and have let it sit for several hours. I now have some very tasty berry flavored water.. No added sugar... Will be adding lemons and limes to my grocery list for the week to try those too. I also am going to try tea. I have never been a coffee drinker , I just don't like the taste or smell for that matter. I do love iced tea (the sweet type unfortunately) but never really tried hot tea. I have a Keurig and am going to see about tea sampler to see if I can find something I like. I drink more water than anything else but from time to time want something different...water just gets old and boring. LOL
I am adding a supplement as of this morning (3/8/2014) to my diet. Horse Chestnut. I have considerable swelling in my legs and this was recommended for me to try so I am giving it a shot. Surely can't hurt and I have read really good reviews about it helping. My right leg is far far worse than my right.
Hubby is going fishing today with our middle son and some friends. It's that time of year when fishing starts up more and I become a fishing widow on the weekends LOL It's ok.. I love that he can get out and enjoy time with his friends, and our son(s).
Well I am off to read for awhile after I finish up the grocery list for the week.
Until later ~P
I am adding a supplement as of this morning (3/8/2014) to my diet. Horse Chestnut. I have considerable swelling in my legs and this was recommended for me to try so I am giving it a shot. Surely can't hurt and I have read really good reviews about it helping. My right leg is far far worse than my right.
Hubby is going fishing today with our middle son and some friends. It's that time of year when fishing starts up more and I become a fishing widow on the weekends LOL It's ok.. I love that he can get out and enjoy time with his friends, and our son(s).
Well I am off to read for awhile after I finish up the grocery list for the week.
Until later ~P
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Journey back to me explained
I was laying in bed thinking ...which normally gets me in trouble. LOL But this time I was thinking about how my life has changed so much over the past 4 years. Four years ago I was on the go a lot. It was a rare day that I wasn't in town for something or going some where. I was often driving a little over an hour away (at least once every couple weeks) to visit my son in college and take him some groceries, out to eat, and just catch up with him. Of course the trip always involved hitting a few of my favorite stores in the area. I was extremely active and on the go. About this time was when mom started really showing issues with her memory and as I look back I think that the enormity of it all and how it rested on my shoulders to take care of her sent me in a downward spiral. So much going on with her and going through different stages with her hasn't been easy. We have went through and still deal with panic attacks, times of rage/anger (normally over stupid and little things), paranoid actions, among the millions of questions I get asked everyday and the constant repeating of things. A lot of things have happened and I finally woke up although I am darn near at rock bottom.
My weight is out of control and I have in all senses of the word become a prisoner in my own home. I go months without going anywhere and not stepping outside for anything more than to let the dogs out. I haven't been to a store in well over a year and that says a lot since I LOVE TO SHOP. I have managed to continue to take care of things by phone, internet (all gift shopping for Christmas, birthdays, etc done online) and by the grace of God having an extraordinary husband who doesn't mind doing the grocery shopping. Although I can function in this manner I don't want to do it this way anymore. I want to go grocery shopping, and wonder through the stores. I want to go for walks, or out to eat with my husband. I miss driving. There is so much I want to do and I am tired of not being able to do it or feel comfortable doing it.
This is the reason I wanted to call it the Journey Back to Me. I want to find the old me again. The one that was on the go, doing things outside the house with my family, the one that felt like I contributed my share by at least half to the family. I know it's not going to happen overnight but I am determined to make it happen.
My weight is out of control and I have in all senses of the word become a prisoner in my own home. I go months without going anywhere and not stepping outside for anything more than to let the dogs out. I haven't been to a store in well over a year and that says a lot since I LOVE TO SHOP. I have managed to continue to take care of things by phone, internet (all gift shopping for Christmas, birthdays, etc done online) and by the grace of God having an extraordinary husband who doesn't mind doing the grocery shopping. Although I can function in this manner I don't want to do it this way anymore. I want to go grocery shopping, and wonder through the stores. I want to go for walks, or out to eat with my husband. I miss driving. There is so much I want to do and I am tired of not being able to do it or feel comfortable doing it.
This is the reason I wanted to call it the Journey Back to Me. I want to find the old me again. The one that was on the go, doing things outside the house with my family, the one that felt like I contributed my share by at least half to the family. I know it's not going to happen overnight but I am determined to make it happen.
Day 3
Another day ~ Nothing special going on. Doing ok with watching what I am eating and doing smaller portions. I need to find some good snacks to keep on hand. I will be glad when gardening season is here. I love munching on fresh veggies from the garden (broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, green peppers). We have decided this year to re-forest our big side yard. It has been a big open field that we have to mow (about 2 1/2 acres). We are going to be planting fruit trees, (apple, pear, cherry and paw paw) as well as evergreens, hardwood and trees for the animals. I would much rather look at beautiful trees and give homes (and food) to wild life then a blank open yard. More motivation for me to get off my butt so I can be out there and enjoy it all.
I am pretty much in a catch all. Due to my weight , my knees are a mess so exercise is extremely hard to do and to lose weight I need to exercise. :( So if anyone out there is reading this and you have some simple exercises to start with that I can do sitting down for the most part until I can get the weight off my knees please feel free to message me. If your reading this and are wanting to lose weight too and you want a weight loss friend (buddy if you must) I am here for that too. :)
Here are a couple of my motivators. I can't wait till I am really able to go for nice walks with my babies.
I am pretty much in a catch all. Due to my weight , my knees are a mess so exercise is extremely hard to do and to lose weight I need to exercise. :( So if anyone out there is reading this and you have some simple exercises to start with that I can do sitting down for the most part until I can get the weight off my knees please feel free to message me. If your reading this and are wanting to lose weight too and you want a weight loss friend (buddy if you must) I am here for that too. :)
Here are a couple of my motivators. I can't wait till I am really able to go for nice walks with my babies.
Well it's time to get these guys out to potty and think about settling in for the night. I am such a night owl and I am trying my best to learn to get sleep at night. I typically get about 4 hours and I am wide awake. I was told I need to shoot for at least 6. I don't think I have slept a normal night in almost 27 years since I had kids LOL
Until tomorrow ~ P
Until tomorrow ~ P
Monday, March 3, 2014
Day One, Learning and Coping with Alzheimer's of a parent.
Well Day 1 of the "new way of eating" wasn't too hateful. It's going to take a little while to get used to tracking my food, activities, water, etc. It's just a new way of doing things.
Overall the day has went well. I didn't feel like I was starving, but hey.. that will probably happen sooner or later LOL I had a nice surprise this morning and had won a gift cert. to one of my favorite online stores that I get my covers for my Kindle's and other items. It's Oberon Design out of California and they have amazing leather goods. Hubby has already pleaded his case that he needs a cover for his Kindle HDX he had won last month at a work gathering. :)
I have been online looking at recipes that are better for all of us and working on a shopping list for the end of the week. I am so thankful that my kids and hubby enjoy lots of fruits and veggies and normally over junk food the majority of the time. One thing I truly miss about living in Alaska is all the fresh fish we had in our freezer. Fish here is expensive. I have gotten away from cooking anything out of a box, can or frozen stuff for the most part over the past year so that isn't a huge change we have to make. It's just making things in a more healthy manner. I grew up learning to cook from family (farm folk) so a lot of stuff was cooked with lots of butter, fried, etc. I know nothing is going to happen over night and it's all about learning a new way of doing things.
I actually feel lighter today, not weight wise but emotionally. I think getting out feelings I have kept locked up in me for so long really helped. I have know idea if anyone will ever read this blog but me but it's out there. So if you are reading this please forgive me if I vent from time to time. With living and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's there are some days that are just not good and venting is how I manage to keep my patience in check with her. It's after 1am here as I type and she is up wondering around. We just had a discussion because she wanted to know why everyone was asleep. She has lost all sense of time. Lately she has even referred to me as mom or grandma (she was talking to her dog and told her to say hi to grandma). Just never know what each day is going to bring. She probably won't go to bed until later this morning (7 or 8) and then she will want to sleep all day. I wake her up to make sure she eats lunch and supper and sometimes she will stay up and other times she will go back to sleep.
Well I am off to lay down for a little while and read. I won't sleep until mom goes to sleep. Just like having a small child again. :(
Till tomorrow! P
Overall the day has went well. I didn't feel like I was starving, but hey.. that will probably happen sooner or later LOL I had a nice surprise this morning and had won a gift cert. to one of my favorite online stores that I get my covers for my Kindle's and other items. It's Oberon Design out of California and they have amazing leather goods. Hubby has already pleaded his case that he needs a cover for his Kindle HDX he had won last month at a work gathering. :)
I have been online looking at recipes that are better for all of us and working on a shopping list for the end of the week. I am so thankful that my kids and hubby enjoy lots of fruits and veggies and normally over junk food the majority of the time. One thing I truly miss about living in Alaska is all the fresh fish we had in our freezer. Fish here is expensive. I have gotten away from cooking anything out of a box, can or frozen stuff for the most part over the past year so that isn't a huge change we have to make. It's just making things in a more healthy manner. I grew up learning to cook from family (farm folk) so a lot of stuff was cooked with lots of butter, fried, etc. I know nothing is going to happen over night and it's all about learning a new way of doing things.
I actually feel lighter today, not weight wise but emotionally. I think getting out feelings I have kept locked up in me for so long really helped. I have know idea if anyone will ever read this blog but me but it's out there. So if you are reading this please forgive me if I vent from time to time. With living and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's there are some days that are just not good and venting is how I manage to keep my patience in check with her. It's after 1am here as I type and she is up wondering around. We just had a discussion because she wanted to know why everyone was asleep. She has lost all sense of time. Lately she has even referred to me as mom or grandma (she was talking to her dog and told her to say hi to grandma). Just never know what each day is going to bring. She probably won't go to bed until later this morning (7 or 8) and then she will want to sleep all day. I wake her up to make sure she eats lunch and supper and sometimes she will stay up and other times she will go back to sleep.
Well I am off to lay down for a little while and read. I won't sleep until mom goes to sleep. Just like having a small child again. :(
Till tomorrow! P
After a long hard look at my life it's time to find the real me again. I have spent the last couple of years holed up in my room most of the time after a short stay in the hospital and battling Cellulitis for about 7 months with multiple rounds of antibiotics.. only to end up with it again several months later and another few months of antibiotics. The cause.. my weight is one.. the other.. they just don't know.
About Me:
Growing up I was a normal child with one older sibling. I was rarely inside because love the outdoors. Our family always took a trip to Michigan in May to mushroom hunt and it was my favorite time of year because I loved the woods. We camped and I spent time with the naturalist because I was always in the woods. I rode my bike or walked everywhere. If I wasn't outside you would find me in the dance studio. You name it and I did it. Tap, jazz, ballet, acrobats, hula. I started working at the dance studio when I hit Jr High and loved it. I was in school during the day and at the dance studio every night. By the time I was in high school I was teaching my own classes. I taught through my first couple years of college
When I was 16 and a Jr in high school I lost my dad, my hero and my heart to cancer. He had battled a brain tumor and complications for 18 months. It started with a severe headache and our world was turned upside-down. After 18 months, several surgeries he finally went to be with God. I had to grow up instantly. My mom who held so much from me. She never told me that he was only given 18-24 months from the initial time of his illness so I had continued to work at the dance studio and loss so much time with my dad. I also ended up becoming the adult in the family because my mom was angry at everyone and I dealt with her rages. Life had changed in a hurry. I lost my dad, I lost what was left of my childhood, and I was so busy taking care of mom that I really never had a chance to grieve. My mom wan't there to make sure I was ok because she was lost in her own grief. My brother was trying to deal with our loss in his own way. I was left on my own so I threw myself back into school, back into the dance studio and put up a wall. The boy I was dating at the time of my dad's death tried to be there for me but I pushed him away. Here I am almost 31 yrs later and am just now facing the grief. I have "eaten" my feelings for so long. It got worse about 4 yrs ago when my mom (whom lives with my husband, kids and I) started showing signs of Alzheimer's. Dealing with her and having my life change again. I am angry I am dealing with this. I am now no longer the child but the mom to my own mother. I am angry that my dad isn't here to help or talk to . I am angry that my brother isn't more help. ( He honestly does what he can) I am angry that I can't just go and do what I want, when I want anymore. I don't show that anger.. I eat it.
My Dr. has been after me for some time to lose weight. I have now topped 400 lbs. and I am miserable. I know I need to lose weight but just haven't come to the point that I had to do it and do it for me. I miss so much in life right now that it's time. I am finally taking the steps toward to finding me again.
Step one: This blog .. I won't hold anything back and it makes me accountable. By finally putting it in writing where I have to accept and find solutions to my issues.
Step two: I joined Weight Watchers online. Do I know how I should eat. Yes, I sure do.. I just don't do it. Weight Watchers will give me an easier way to tract my eating (points) and give me the support (boards) that I need.
Step three: Making sure that I have healthy foods and snacks in the house to eat. I will not only be changing how I cook for me but also for my husband and children. I am making up master grocery lists and searching for healthy recipes.
Step four: Making sure that I have all the tools I need to make this journey successful. I have downloaded apps to my table and phone. I have ordered myself a nice water glass (Tervis) and ordering divided plates so I can keep my portion controls under control.
I have a long journey ahead of me but it's a journey worth taking. There is so much that I want to do that I can't now due to my weight. I will share those as each day passes.
Until tomorrow ~ P
About Me:
Growing up I was a normal child with one older sibling. I was rarely inside because love the outdoors. Our family always took a trip to Michigan in May to mushroom hunt and it was my favorite time of year because I loved the woods. We camped and I spent time with the naturalist because I was always in the woods. I rode my bike or walked everywhere. If I wasn't outside you would find me in the dance studio. You name it and I did it. Tap, jazz, ballet, acrobats, hula. I started working at the dance studio when I hit Jr High and loved it. I was in school during the day and at the dance studio every night. By the time I was in high school I was teaching my own classes. I taught through my first couple years of college
When I was 16 and a Jr in high school I lost my dad, my hero and my heart to cancer. He had battled a brain tumor and complications for 18 months. It started with a severe headache and our world was turned upside-down. After 18 months, several surgeries he finally went to be with God. I had to grow up instantly. My mom who held so much from me. She never told me that he was only given 18-24 months from the initial time of his illness so I had continued to work at the dance studio and loss so much time with my dad. I also ended up becoming the adult in the family because my mom was angry at everyone and I dealt with her rages. Life had changed in a hurry. I lost my dad, I lost what was left of my childhood, and I was so busy taking care of mom that I really never had a chance to grieve. My mom wan't there to make sure I was ok because she was lost in her own grief. My brother was trying to deal with our loss in his own way. I was left on my own so I threw myself back into school, back into the dance studio and put up a wall. The boy I was dating at the time of my dad's death tried to be there for me but I pushed him away. Here I am almost 31 yrs later and am just now facing the grief. I have "eaten" my feelings for so long. It got worse about 4 yrs ago when my mom (whom lives with my husband, kids and I) started showing signs of Alzheimer's. Dealing with her and having my life change again. I am angry I am dealing with this. I am now no longer the child but the mom to my own mother. I am angry that my dad isn't here to help or talk to . I am angry that my brother isn't more help. ( He honestly does what he can) I am angry that I can't just go and do what I want, when I want anymore. I don't show that anger.. I eat it.
My Dr. has been after me for some time to lose weight. I have now topped 400 lbs. and I am miserable. I know I need to lose weight but just haven't come to the point that I had to do it and do it for me. I miss so much in life right now that it's time. I am finally taking the steps toward to finding me again.
Step one: This blog .. I won't hold anything back and it makes me accountable. By finally putting it in writing where I have to accept and find solutions to my issues.
Step two: I joined Weight Watchers online. Do I know how I should eat. Yes, I sure do.. I just don't do it. Weight Watchers will give me an easier way to tract my eating (points) and give me the support (boards) that I need.
Step three: Making sure that I have healthy foods and snacks in the house to eat. I will not only be changing how I cook for me but also for my husband and children. I am making up master grocery lists and searching for healthy recipes.
Step four: Making sure that I have all the tools I need to make this journey successful. I have downloaded apps to my table and phone. I have ordered myself a nice water glass (Tervis) and ordering divided plates so I can keep my portion controls under control.
I have a long journey ahead of me but it's a journey worth taking. There is so much that I want to do that I can't now due to my weight. I will share those as each day passes.
Until tomorrow ~ P
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