Journey back to me explained

I was laying in bed thinking ...which normally gets me in trouble. LOL  But this time I was thinking about how my life has changed so much over the past 4 years.  Four years ago I was on the go a lot.  It was a rare day that I wasn't in town for something or going some where.  I was often driving a little over an hour away (at least once every couple weeks) to visit my son in college and take him some groceries, out to eat, and just catch up with him.  Of course the trip always involved hitting a few of my favorite stores in the area.   I was extremely active and on the go.  About this time was when mom started really showing issues with her memory and as I look back I think that the enormity of it all and how it rested on my shoulders to take care of her sent me in a downward spiral.  So much going on with her and going through different stages with her hasn't been easy.  We have went through and still deal with panic attacks, times of rage/anger (normally over stupid and little things), paranoid actions, among the millions of questions I get asked everyday and the constant repeating of things.  A lot of things have happened and I finally woke up although I am darn near at rock bottom. 

 My weight is out of control and I have in all senses of the word become a prisoner in my own home.   I go months without going anywhere and not stepping outside for anything more than to let the dogs out.  I haven't been to a store in well over a year and that says a lot since I LOVE TO SHOP.  I have managed to continue to take care of things by phone, internet (all gift shopping for Christmas, birthdays, etc done online) and by the grace of God having an extraordinary husband who doesn't mind doing the grocery shopping.   Although I can function in this manner I don't want to do it this way anymore.   I want to go grocery shopping, and wonder through the stores.  I want to go for walks, or out to eat with my husband. I miss driving.  There is so much I want to do and I am tired of not being able to do it or feel comfortable doing it.  

This is the reason I wanted to call it the Journey Back to Me.   I want to find the old me again.  The one that was on the go, doing things outside the house with my family, the one that felt like I contributed my share by at least half to the family.   I know it's not going to happen overnight but I am determined to make it happen.